A few weeks ago, I had a kind of ephiphony. For the first time that I can remember, I appreciated my heart for more than just the love that it houses. I saw it for it's potential to break, to rebuild and it's forever endurance and hope. My heart, like yours, has suffered break, it has healed, filled with more love and broken all over again only to become stronger.
Our hearts become powerful through a culmination of life experiences; whether through failed relationships, loss of loved ones, loss of a job or a house, afflictions with eating disorders or other addictions....the resultant "heart breaks" that occurs are seeds of potential that are planted within us.
I truly believe our heart has a far greater capacity than for love alone. And it's far bigger than the fist-sized, 4 chambered organ that is nestled behind our ribs....
My past affliction with bulimia, although tragic in some ways, has made me into the woman I am today and it made my beating heart more supple and expansive. So, as I turn another year older, I will not regret the experiences that brought me to this point, and I am looking forward to those which I face in the future that will make me even stronger.
Please help me honor the upside of our individual heartbreaks and battles, in all their various forms, by donating to a wonderful cause. Donate Here!
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
HEARTSEASE
It's been two years since I moved to Denver. I cannot believe how time has just zipped by. I suppose most of us feel like life passes us by quickly, and often too quickly. Until just recently I used to mourn the loss of time. I think that most of my sorrow stems from the fact that I "wasted" a lot of time while consumed by things that, at the end of the day, and with a lot of hindsight, didn't deserve my frontal lobe obsession. But I suppose that's part of what wisdom is: knowing what is worth our precious thoughts.
I think back on my time in Colorado thus far and am happy to report a lot of personal growth. This month I will celebrate my 37th birthday and am finally at a point in my life where I feel like my mind is clear.
Lucid. Oh, what a wonderful state of mind.
That is not to say that I have all the answers or do not experience moments of anxiety. It's that I still feel at peace despite moments of chaos, uncertainty and unknowns. I still wonder what direction my life will take next but I'm more excited than anything.
When I was about 5 yrs old, my mom asked, "Emi, what are you scared of?". Without hesitation, I said, "Nothing. What is there to be scared of?".
Oh boy.
Throughout the next 30 years of my life I found out all about fear and how often I allowed it be my path of least resistance. Instead of facing my fears and growing from them, I allowed them to consume me and prohibit me from achieving my potential. Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing every day that scares you." I believe this is important BUT facing our fears must be done with intention, so that they can work to our advantage. Fear itself is resistance, facing your fear and overcoming it is freedom.
Something has changed inside of me recently and its allowed me to finally experience a level of comfort in my own skin that I have never had before. Once I allowed myself to open the doors to all the possibilities that surrounded me; including doing things that scared me... I have begun to find my own true bliss. Finding your bliss
2014 feels like its going to be a grand year.
Life is what you make it right? So, tell me how your 2014 will be equally as grand. If you allow for it, great things might just happen.
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It's April! In Denver that means the wildest and most unpredictable weather patterns. (It was a glorious April 1st. Today it's snowing!) It is a great month to give to a fantastic cause so please donate! Click the donate button to the right or the link below
Link to MentorCONNECT paypal donation page
I think back on my time in Colorado thus far and am happy to report a lot of personal growth. This month I will celebrate my 37th birthday and am finally at a point in my life where I feel like my mind is clear.
Lucid. Oh, what a wonderful state of mind.
That is not to say that I have all the answers or do not experience moments of anxiety. It's that I still feel at peace despite moments of chaos, uncertainty and unknowns. I still wonder what direction my life will take next but I'm more excited than anything.
When I was about 5 yrs old, my mom asked, "Emi, what are you scared of?". Without hesitation, I said, "Nothing. What is there to be scared of?".
Oh boy.
Throughout the next 30 years of my life I found out all about fear and how often I allowed it be my path of least resistance. Instead of facing my fears and growing from them, I allowed them to consume me and prohibit me from achieving my potential. Eleanor Roosevelt said "Do one thing every day that scares you." I believe this is important BUT facing our fears must be done with intention, so that they can work to our advantage. Fear itself is resistance, facing your fear and overcoming it is freedom.
Something has changed inside of me recently and its allowed me to finally experience a level of comfort in my own skin that I have never had before. Once I allowed myself to open the doors to all the possibilities that surrounded me; including doing things that scared me... I have begun to find my own true bliss. Finding your bliss
2014 feels like its going to be a grand year.
Life is what you make it right? So, tell me how your 2014 will be equally as grand. If you allow for it, great things might just happen.
------------------------------------------
It's April! In Denver that means the wildest and most unpredictable weather patterns. (It was a glorious April 1st. Today it's snowing!) It is a great month to give to a fantastic cause so please donate! Click the donate button to the right or the link below
Link to MentorCONNECT paypal donation page
Sunday, March 16, 2014
The Power of Together
This blog, which is a journey to my ironman is not meant for me to merely tell you about my (boring? not-so-boring?) daily habits, rhythms, training, racing, thoughts, hopes and dreams.....it's really about me trying to bring my friends, family and strangers together to help support a cause that is very dear to me. MentorCONNECT
Until recently, as in the last few years, I did not share the intimate stories of my eating disorder past with anyone. It wasn't until I finally acknowledged the power of sharing my story; of asking for help; of offering my help; of being ok with having the support of a community of people who have experienced similar struggles, that I realized how empowering it was not to be alone in my struggle. I had to finally be willing to give up trying to recover and to "figure it out" by myself.... because the truth is, it wasn't working.
If you've read my previous posts, you might have come across the one on Joseph Campbell's "The Hero's Journey". (If you haven't read this post, please do so now. Here's the link The Hero's Journey) I like to think of my past struggle with bulimia as one of my most important heroic journeys of self-discovery. Even though it pains me to think of this past, I know it was important for me to become the woman I am today.
In The Hero's Journey, the last phase of the journey is a "Return" phase. To return is to share your story with others. This blog is a manifestation of my "Return" from my dark journey through a past in which bulimia haunted my daily rhythms'. For you to understand my journey doesn't mean you too had to battle with an eating disorder. But rather, that you, like us all, have struggled, in any capacity.
Struggle, after all, is part of the human experience. But what we do with the struggle we face is more indicative of the strength of our character than anything else. What I learned from my journey, and what I continually learn day in and day out, is that reaching out to others helps us overcome our own struggles with more ease.
So, in the writings of this blog, I want share my ironman story, but, more importantly, I want to share my story of recovery and hope.
Until recently, as in the last few years, I did not share the intimate stories of my eating disorder past with anyone. It wasn't until I finally acknowledged the power of sharing my story; of asking for help; of offering my help; of being ok with having the support of a community of people who have experienced similar struggles, that I realized how empowering it was not to be alone in my struggle. I had to finally be willing to give up trying to recover and to "figure it out" by myself.... because the truth is, it wasn't working.
If you've read my previous posts, you might have come across the one on Joseph Campbell's "The Hero's Journey". (If you haven't read this post, please do so now. Here's the link The Hero's Journey) I like to think of my past struggle with bulimia as one of my most important heroic journeys of self-discovery. Even though it pains me to think of this past, I know it was important for me to become the woman I am today.
In The Hero's Journey, the last phase of the journey is a "Return" phase. To return is to share your story with others. This blog is a manifestation of my "Return" from my dark journey through a past in which bulimia haunted my daily rhythms'. For you to understand my journey doesn't mean you too had to battle with an eating disorder. But rather, that you, like us all, have struggled, in any capacity.
Struggle, after all, is part of the human experience. But what we do with the struggle we face is more indicative of the strength of our character than anything else. What I learned from my journey, and what I continually learn day in and day out, is that reaching out to others helps us overcome our own struggles with more ease.
So, in the writings of this blog, I want share my ironman story, but, more importantly, I want to share my story of recovery and hope.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
PUSHING THE LIMITS
Above is the Fick Equation for maximal aerobic capacity, or VO2 max.
If you've ever had a max test performed you surely remember "the suffering". VO2 max is reached when one's oxygen consumption remains the same despite an increase in workload. That's the point of maximal exertion....and it HURTS!! The test is usually performed on a treadmill. The exercise intensity progressively increases while a machine measures the oxygen and carbon dioxide concentration of one's inhaled and exhaled breaths.
While I didn't have another V02 max test done "per say" on Thursday, I certainly feel like I reached my V02 max. My "maximal exertion" was reached while performing my second fitness test of the year. In particular, while I was doing the 1/2 mile treadmill sprint test.
I posted my previous fitness test results but I will post them again for reference.
My first fitness test was performed on January 22nd and these were my tests/results and the order they were performed:
1. 1/2 mile treadmill sprint:3:03
2. Sit-ups in 60 sec: 56
3. Max Push-ups without breaking rhythm: 30
4. 209lb leg press max without breaking rhythm: 41
5. Pull ups from dead hang: 2
6. Plank max time: 2:09
Since the first test, I have been working hard to build up my strength. Lifting 3 times a week, eating loads of protein and pushing myself out of my comfort zone in many ways.
This past Thursday was judgment day. I had goals coming into the test which was mainly to top all my previous results. And I did... except for one: push-ups.
1. 1/2 mile treadmill sprint: 2:45
2. Sit-ups in 60 sec: 60
3. Max Push-ups without breaking: 30
4. 209lb leg press max without breaking: 50
5. Pull ups from dead hang: 4
6. Plank max time: 2:31
In hindsight, I pushed WAY TOO HARD on the treadmill sprint which taxed my body for the rest of the testing. I really just wanted to break 3:00 but I ran hard enough to break 2:46. I remember sprinting at 11 mph for the last 1/8 mile saying out loud to my trainer, "I don't know about this", then in another breath asking him to dial up the mph even more. The distance seemed to turn over in a ridiculously slow fashion. (Why does time seem to slow down during moments of suffering but goes by in an instant in times of joy?)
I am most proud of my treadmill exertion and pull-ups. I am most dissatisfied with my push-ups and plank. Ironically, I had put the most time and effort into practicing push-ups and plank over the past 6 weeks, yet those seemed to be my "weakest" elements of the fitness test. It just goes to show that preparation for one type of event/movement/sport can actually make you stronger at another.
When I was nearing the end of my half mile sprint I hit my maximum aerobic effort and even tapped into some anaerobic suffering. I cannot remember the last time I hit such a limit. My lungs were literally burning and my body was teetering on failure. It took me days to recover from that one test but in 2:45 seconds it gave me insight into what my limits are the thrill of pushing past them.
Today I'm stronger than I was yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be stronger than I am today. And, by this I mean in life, not just fitness testing.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
The Hero's Journey
The Hero's Journey is a term coined by the famous mythologist and philosopher Joseph Campbell. I just watched a film about this called "Finding Joe" and thought it was absolutely fascinating so I wanted to share it with you. I will do my best to explain what it is and how it can be applicable to all of our lives.
The Hero's Journey is a circular algorithm, a metaphor really, for life. I think of it as Joseph Campbell's version of the circle of life. It's core or center point for rotation is living a life in which we follow our bliss.
In the Hero's Journey there are 3 phases: Separation, Initiation and Return. Because it is a circular algorithm, when you have reached your first return you go back to a point of separation. And the cycle starts again.
In the Separation phase there is a call to adventure. The phone literally rings, we hear it and eventually, if we don't ignore it (and you know when you've ignored this call), we answer it. Once we are open to the idea of separating (i.e. when we get the courage to answer the phone), we then begin the initiation phase. Essentially we are catapulted into the next version of ourselves.
In the Initiation phase we become part of new adventures in which we face our fears head on; we are tested, moved to a crisis point, struggle with internal conflicts and then, at some point, we come out on the other side. Some equate the Initiation phase to entering a dark forest of our deepest fears. After facing trials and tribulations, turmoil and strife we, eventually, come out into the light in which we have conquered our fears. This is the point at which we can and will "return".
Somewhere between the initiation and return phases there is a death of part of our old self. We shed our old skin because its no longer of use to us. With our transformation comes a new meaningful life at which point we enter the Return phase where we return to tell our stories to others. We have thus completed the hero's journey.
In order to go through our hero's journey we need to be willing to accept the challenge, endure the pain of discovery and be willing to shed our old skin. Campbell says that when you are willing to delve into this journey, "doors will appear for you where doors will not appear for others". Each of us has a unique adventure to face, a unique fear to conquer so that we can all return to tell our story to others.
Campbell believed that each of us is born with a seed of potential that wants to be actualized. Unfortunately, we live in a society that puts us under a hypnosis so that we forget that "life is the fruit of (y)our own doing". Instead, we become conditioned to listen to what society tells us we should and shouldn't do. This prevents us from discovering our true selves and, instead, most people end up on the treadmill of life and never get to the point of actualization.
The story of myth allows us to go beyond what we thought was possible; to explore and unearth our potential as it was when we were born, before society covered it with layers of false reality and false expectation.
What I learned from Joseph Campbell is that the mythical life is part of each one of us. The challenge we face is the unearthing of our potential. We need to transcend most of what society has told us we should and shouldn't do so that we can live our very own Hero's Journey of self discovery and therefore live the life we were intended to live .
We can only be the hero of our own life when we decide to stop being the victim of our own life. So I challenge you, today, to go find YOUR adventure (answer the phone!), face your fears, shed your skin, separate, initiate, come out stronger on the other side and most importantly return, so that you can tell your story.
The Hero's Journey is a circular algorithm, a metaphor really, for life. I think of it as Joseph Campbell's version of the circle of life. It's core or center point for rotation is living a life in which we follow our bliss.
In the Hero's Journey there are 3 phases: Separation, Initiation and Return. Because it is a circular algorithm, when you have reached your first return you go back to a point of separation. And the cycle starts again.
In the Separation phase there is a call to adventure. The phone literally rings, we hear it and eventually, if we don't ignore it (and you know when you've ignored this call), we answer it. Once we are open to the idea of separating (i.e. when we get the courage to answer the phone), we then begin the initiation phase. Essentially we are catapulted into the next version of ourselves.
In the Initiation phase we become part of new adventures in which we face our fears head on; we are tested, moved to a crisis point, struggle with internal conflicts and then, at some point, we come out on the other side. Some equate the Initiation phase to entering a dark forest of our deepest fears. After facing trials and tribulations, turmoil and strife we, eventually, come out into the light in which we have conquered our fears. This is the point at which we can and will "return".
Somewhere between the initiation and return phases there is a death of part of our old self. We shed our old skin because its no longer of use to us. With our transformation comes a new meaningful life at which point we enter the Return phase where we return to tell our stories to others. We have thus completed the hero's journey.
In order to go through our hero's journey we need to be willing to accept the challenge, endure the pain of discovery and be willing to shed our old skin. Campbell says that when you are willing to delve into this journey, "doors will appear for you where doors will not appear for others". Each of us has a unique adventure to face, a unique fear to conquer so that we can all return to tell our story to others.
Campbell believed that each of us is born with a seed of potential that wants to be actualized. Unfortunately, we live in a society that puts us under a hypnosis so that we forget that "life is the fruit of (y)our own doing". Instead, we become conditioned to listen to what society tells us we should and shouldn't do. This prevents us from discovering our true selves and, instead, most people end up on the treadmill of life and never get to the point of actualization.
The story of myth allows us to go beyond what we thought was possible; to explore and unearth our potential as it was when we were born, before society covered it with layers of false reality and false expectation.
What I learned from Joseph Campbell is that the mythical life is part of each one of us. The challenge we face is the unearthing of our potential. We need to transcend most of what society has told us we should and shouldn't do so that we can live our very own Hero's Journey of self discovery and therefore live the life we were intended to live .
We can only be the hero of our own life when we decide to stop being the victim of our own life. So I challenge you, today, to go find YOUR adventure (answer the phone!), face your fears, shed your skin, separate, initiate, come out stronger on the other side and most importantly return, so that you can tell your story.
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